Tomorrow my first born will be eighteen years old. As I type those words, I almost feel as if it isn’t true. Where did the days go? It’s been eighteen whole years since the first moment I found love. Eighteen years from the day my life would change forever. Goodness, it’s difficult to take myself all the way back into the most beautiful day of my life– the day I became a mother.
I almost felt compelled to write “My Story”– the one about a fifteen year old girl that got pregnant, was alienated, and began to fall right into your typical “teen mom stereotype”. But I won’t, not because I’m ashamed or traumatized…. I won’t write about that tonight because “that story” isn’t Jonathan’s. Instead, I want to convey the many ways he saved me from myself.
I’m not sure why I felt the need to be so self destructive in my young life. Looking back, I was likely in a rebellious stage. But the day I held Jonathan in my arms, everything made sense. Without him ever knowing it, he would be the one to keep me “together”– to keep me moving when all I wanted to do was throw in the towel.
We were fearless and while I felt I was teaching him the difficult things like, going in the potty and saying his first words. He took on a much greater task, he taught me how to be a mom.
It was US, hauling the groceries up to the seventh floor of our first apartment– I can still remember the way he struggled to keep that heavy metal door open while I lugged in the bags. It was US, waking early in the mornings so that I could take him into his Infant and then toddler class, while I worked on earning my diploma. It was US, when I was lonely, tired, and defeated– he knew exactly what to say and, funny enough, he knew when to just love me and not say a word. US, when I took him to his first day of preschool–his innocent smile forever engraved in my heart..
He made me stronger, braver, and because God chose to gift me this wide-eyed little boy sooner than most… my heart is full–as a mother to six beautiful little humans. I’ve had the privilege of bringing life into the world more times than most, but that morning on September 13, eighteen years ago… Two lives were born, and I’ve never known a greater love since.
Happiest birthday to my young man. You were put here on earth to conquer great things, I know it. And I believe your first mission began with me… Thank you for giving me the first chance at fulfilling my calling… Your faithful and unconditional love for a, once, lost and lonely young girl changed my life forever.